Tips on Protecting Plants from Zombies

By Nikki Tilley | October 31, 2016
by Nikki Tilley
October 31, 2016

Are you planning a new garden this fall? Perhaps, you’ve already got one. Either way, it’s probably a good idea to think about how you’re going to keep your plants safe – not from the usual culprits like insect pests, winter chill or even disease, but zombies. Yes, you heard me correctly, the walking dead could be coming to a garden near you. Maybe even your own backyard. So how do you keep these undead corpses from trampling your prized plants in search of something to feed upon?

How to Protect Plants from Zombies

There are actually a number of practices to employ in protecting your plants from zombies. Here are some that have proven to be quite effective against these marauding sleepwalkers with healthy appetites.

Add some hungry perimeter plants. There are many plants that zombies do not like, including those that compete with them for a good meal. The carnivorous plant family hosts an abundance of choices that can help keep your garden, and even you, safe from imminent zombie attacks. Provided you have a nice boggy area around the landscape, you can incorporate some Venus flytraps, pitcher plants, sundews and bladderworts to your perimeter. Should a zombie approach, these hungry plants will happily consume them.

Likewise, you can opt for some cacti plants instead, especially if your landscape stays more on the dry side. Look for those having the sharpest spines, and plant them close together like a hedge. Barrel cactus and prickly pear cactus are good choices. Zombies that get too close will become stuck to the plants like flies to sticky paper.

Use natural repellents. You can mask the alluring scent of your garden plants by adding some stinky plants that are known to confuse these rotting meat smelling creatures. Some of these might include skunk cabbage, voodoo lily and corpse flower. In addition to plants that smell just like they do, which apparently makes them ignore the area, you could also tuck away a few plants that not only confuse them but keep them busy. Spawn some your own dead man’s fingers or stinkhorns and these dumb critters will mistake them for something edible.

Add garden features that deter or arouse them. You likely don’t know this, but even zombies get scared. What frightens a zombie? Another one, of the magical kind. Place some zombie garden gnomes throughout the garden and they will avoid the area. In lieu of this, you might choose attractive garden features that keep them away from the garden but just where you want them, such as wind chimes or fountains. Zombie pests are attracted to sounds and movements so placing these in areas of the landscape far from garden beds will help.

Build a fence. No, they can’t climb or jump, but if you build about a 4- to 5-foot fence made from sharp spears and stakes, angling out from the garden, approaching zombies will naturally impale themselves. Other alternatives might include using barbed wire fencing, which the creatures become entangled in and ultimately don’t go anywhere.

Dig a trench. Another method of zombie control includes digging a trench around your garden. Make sure that it’s at least 6-8 feet deep. Also, keep in mind that this approach takes much longer to complete, unless you have a backhoe, and is generally used for heavier infestations. Zombies looking to feast in the garden will simply fall into the empty pit where they can be promptly disposed of.

Now that you know how to protect your plants from pests like zombies, you can keep yourself and your garden safe for years to come!

Happy Halloween!!

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